Envy is a formidable enemy, and one which I am usually devoid, that is until gas prices began to climb with such alarming rapidity. Until recently, I used to find satisfaction in the little pleasures in life: driving on the road in my luxury car, favorite tunes blaring from the CD system, comfy leather seats, automatic everything. I used to feel quite smug. Lately, however, I have begun to feel a little foolish. Daresay, even envious. Now, trudging along in bumper to bumper traffic, I wince as the hybrids buzz past me in the carpool lane, their bright carpool stickers mocking me. Even worse, my stomach turns at the thought that they could be getting 40, 50, even 60 miles per gallon!

Well, hybrids are ugly, I say, placating myself, with their utilitarian looks, shiny metallic finishes, emasculatingly small wheels, and disproportionately large and unflattering hind ends. They have no style, make no noise, provide no statement. They’re just small, unassuming, quiet, Japanese cars. Nothing to be envious about. Cars that save their drivers hundreds of dollars every month, thousands of dollars per year.

I hate them, hate them all.

So recently, after sending in my luxury car payment, I began to ponder my options. Googling the internet for transportation with the highest miles per gallon, I discovered that, to my amazement, motorcycles can achieve 70 mpg. Yet there are so many to choose from. The Harley, while chic and trendy these days, also unfortunately requires a singular commitment to black leather attire, dangling leather tassels, and unsightly arm and neck tattoos, all of which might frighten children and the elderly. Clearly, the Harley was out. What about the Suzuki, a motorcycle known for speed and bright colors? One can imagine dashing through traffic on a bright green motorcycle, wearing a matching green motorcycle suit, maneuvering between slow moving cars, happily attaining 70 miles per gallon. A Suzuki seemed promising, until I imagined hitting a pothole, flying headfirst over the motorcycle and landing on the pavement, no doubt right next to a hybrid car, its carpool sticker mocking me as I bleed to death.

Surprisingly, my investigations soon led me to vegetable oil. That’s right. The buzz on the internet suggests that used vegetable oil can be a viable fuel alternative for diesel engines. Although it is unclear whether fresh vegetable oil can be used, whether fresh vegetable oil costs more per gallon than gasoline, or alternately, how many Taco Bells one would have to solicit to acquire enough used vegetable oil to fuel a car. In addition, such a fuel system requires the obligation to drive around town smelling like a taco, a disconcerting thought.

Taco scents aside, my car is not a diesel, and the reality of the problem must be dealt with head on. It was time to admit defeat and surf the net for hybrids. What I found astonished me. According to Edmunds.com, Toyota and Honda are in a neck-and-neck race to be the best hybrid car maker, a fight that benefits consumers. As a result of Honda’s popular Insight, a vehicle that achieves around 90 miles per gallon, Toyota is working on a Prius that will attain 100 miles per gallon, will cost less to own, and is set to release in 2008-2009.

It’s solved then. My solution is to hold out for the 2008-2009 Prius, that is if gas prices settle. However, if they keep rising, then I have an important advertisement for all you hybrid owners out there: Will trade newer model Mercedes for your hybrid. Call me.

*The above editorial reflects the sole opinions of the author and not the opinions of Carlsbad.com.